I’ve been lucky to have a lot of friends in this lifetime. Some of my friendships have remained intact throughout my lifetime, some have fallen by the way-side, and some are more casual friendships where we only chat a couple of times a year. With the new year coming, it’s got me to thinking about all the friendships and relationships that I’ve had in my life. I truly do value all of the friendships and relationships that I’ve had because they’ve all taught me something new about people, life, love, etc. etc. The new year also got me thinking about those relationships that have fallen by the way-side and why that’s happened.
There’s a quote that I have posted on my computer monitor at work -
"There are two types of people--anchors and motors. You want to lose the anchors and get with the motors because the motors are going somewhere and they're having more fun. The anchors will just drag you down." ~ Wyland Quotes
and as much as I’d say I like to live by it… it truly is hard to let go of those anchors, energy vampires or toxic relationships in your life. Everyone has encountered a toxic person in their life – whether it’s a friend, co-worker, or family member that can’t ever stand to say a positive thing about life, that is always taking advantage of others, or is generally abusive to themselves or others over and over again… everyone knows that person and wonders if they will change. I’ve always been the type of person to hope for change, but the reality is…. Some people just won’t change. If they do – great for them! But how long can we all wait around for that to happen?
“Better to lose the anchor than the whole ship.” ~ Dutch Proverb
The older I get, the more I start prioritizing where to give out my energy… I think of my mental, physical, spiritual and emotional self as a ship as the quote mentions above. Many of the times that I have felt the most down in life are because of anchors in my life (whether it’s a person or a negative thought) and the older I get, the more I realize that I have no choice… I HAVE to let these things go out of my life…especially now that I am bringing a new little baby into this world.
It’s funny how the world works too, because just in time for the new year, my forecast on astro.com sent me the following message about reevaluating my relationships…
“This influence signifies a time of severe testing in your relationships with others. The demands of your life will force you to reevaluate which relationships in your life are worth keeping and which are not. If you do not face this challenge consciously, the pressure of events will force you to do so, because people who have been with you for a long time will leave against your wishes. This may represent a temporary state of affairs or a passing mood. Or it may represent a serious breakdown in your relationships because of misplaced priorities in the past or because of associating with people who were wrong for you in terms of your personal goals and needs. The problem is that in terms of your direction in life, the people you associate with are a distraction or are actually opposed to your interests. In this case, no matter how much you love them, walls will form between you and them, and you will have to begin a new life without them. With this influence several significant relationships will inevitably end. But if you have a clear idea of where you are going, this will not be a great disadvantage. Whatever remorse you feel will be quickly displaced by a new sense of freedom, because you are no longer wasting energy in trying to maintain inappropriate relationships.”
Very interesting – eh?
Whether you decide to get rid of the anchors and stick with the motors in 2012, or not, I hope you have an amazing new year and hope that I can be a positive “motor” in your life in 2012. Love to you all!
This blogpost was inspired by this great blog http://montyrainey.wordpress.com/2011/12/12/anchors-away/ – thank goodness for good bloggers!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Things I have learned while being pregnant (so far).
1) No one knows what causes autism… we can all speculate, but there's no clear answer.
2) What To Expect When Your Expecting says that if you are going to get a flu shot, you should try to get a Thiomersal-free flu shot. No one in the Utah valley even knows what that means (not even doctors), even though it's published in the top selling pregnancy book of all time. If you are looking for the Thiomersal-free vaccine, you can get it at the Nursing Station that is across the street and north of St. Marks Hospital.
3) Don't hesitate to ask your doctor a million questions. When in doubt, don't be ashamed to ask. That's what you are paying them for and wouldn't you rather get the questions off your chest so you aren't worrying about them?
4) Coconut Milk is good for pregnant women to drink. Here are all the reasons it's good for you : ) http://www.terawarner.com/blog/2008/05/pregnant-women-go-nuts%E2%80%A6%E2%80%A6for-coconuts/
5) Certain teas you drink can cause you to go into pre-term labor. Even if it's herbal, make sure to check the herbs within the tea to make sure it won't cause you to go into labor to early.
7) Ginger Chews (you can get them at Whole Foods) are the only thing that made me feel better when I was nauseous during the first three months. My dear friend Jaymee got me some and they made me feel a lot better. They didn't completely cure the nausea, but helped more than anything else (ginger tea didn't help and neither did ginger ale).
7) Massage is okay, just make sure to get a pre-natal massage so you can have a custom pillow for your belly and so they don't press any pressure points that might trigger pre-term labor.
8) Yoga and exercise is okay as long as your doctor says it's okay. I've really enjoyed going to pre-natal yoga. It's not easy, but it helps stretch out my hips, lower back, shoulders, etc. so that I am not in so much pain throughout the week. It's really nice to be able to breath and take a moment for myself in the middle of the week as well. I am sure the baby appreciates it. The yoga instructor I go to makes us do a lot of challenging poses and squats to prepare for child birth as well... she always says "I can guarantee, labor is going to be a lot harder than sitting in this pose for five minutes..." - Definitely helps me get in the right mind-set for labor.
9) Every single person's pregnancy is different. Even if you are related. My sister and I have had a lot of different side affects. For example, spotting is normal and dark spotting after about a month of trying to get pregnant means you are probably pregnant. My mom told me this and I was completely clueless... Also - mild spotting is okay throughout the whole pregnancy, but if it gets heavier you should call your doctor.
10) Build a network. Find people who are pregnant or have been pregnant and ask them questions about what they've done during pregnancy. It will bring you closer and you won't be so lost about the process.
And lastly - have a laugh and don't take life to seriously... pregnancy is definitely hard (and according to this article - so is parenting), but it never hurts to have a sense of humor about it - http://www.codinghorror.com/blog/2011/10/on-parenthood.html
So far pregnancy has been challenging but fun. Only three more months to go before I meet the little man. : )
2) What To Expect When Your Expecting says that if you are going to get a flu shot, you should try to get a Thiomersal-free flu shot. No one in the Utah valley even knows what that means (not even doctors), even though it's published in the top selling pregnancy book of all time. If you are looking for the Thiomersal-free vaccine, you can get it at the Nursing Station that is across the street and north of St. Marks Hospital.
3) Don't hesitate to ask your doctor a million questions. When in doubt, don't be ashamed to ask. That's what you are paying them for and wouldn't you rather get the questions off your chest so you aren't worrying about them?
4) Coconut Milk is good for pregnant women to drink. Here are all the reasons it's good for you : ) http://www.terawarner.com/blog/2008/05/pregnant-women-go-nuts%E2%80%A6%E2%80%A6for-coconuts/
5) Certain teas you drink can cause you to go into pre-term labor. Even if it's herbal, make sure to check the herbs within the tea to make sure it won't cause you to go into labor to early.
7) Ginger Chews (you can get them at Whole Foods) are the only thing that made me feel better when I was nauseous during the first three months. My dear friend Jaymee got me some and they made me feel a lot better. They didn't completely cure the nausea, but helped more than anything else (ginger tea didn't help and neither did ginger ale).
7) Massage is okay, just make sure to get a pre-natal massage so you can have a custom pillow for your belly and so they don't press any pressure points that might trigger pre-term labor.
8) Yoga and exercise is okay as long as your doctor says it's okay. I've really enjoyed going to pre-natal yoga. It's not easy, but it helps stretch out my hips, lower back, shoulders, etc. so that I am not in so much pain throughout the week. It's really nice to be able to breath and take a moment for myself in the middle of the week as well. I am sure the baby appreciates it. The yoga instructor I go to makes us do a lot of challenging poses and squats to prepare for child birth as well... she always says "I can guarantee, labor is going to be a lot harder than sitting in this pose for five minutes..." - Definitely helps me get in the right mind-set for labor.
9) Every single person's pregnancy is different. Even if you are related. My sister and I have had a lot of different side affects. For example, spotting is normal and dark spotting after about a month of trying to get pregnant means you are probably pregnant. My mom told me this and I was completely clueless... Also - mild spotting is okay throughout the whole pregnancy, but if it gets heavier you should call your doctor.
10) Build a network. Find people who are pregnant or have been pregnant and ask them questions about what they've done during pregnancy. It will bring you closer and you won't be so lost about the process.
And lastly - have a laugh and don't take life to seriously... pregnancy is definitely hard (and according to this article - so is parenting), but it never hurts to have a sense of humor about it - http://www.codinghorror.com/blog/2011/10/on-parenthood.html
So far pregnancy has been challenging but fun. Only three more months to go before I meet the little man. : )
Thursday, December 08, 2011
Mentoring 101
It’s funny how the universe sends you just what you need right when you ask for it – I mean, let’s be honest – the universe isn’t going to send you EVERYTHING you want, whenever you want it – but in general, I think that if you send the universe positivity and ask for what you want – it will send it right back at you in one form or another.
I’ve been feeling a lack of a challenge as of late and have needed to figure out something new that would bring some excitement to my world – Yes, I am aware that I am bringing a new life into the world in March or April of next year and that will be plenty of a challenge – but life is short – so why not find something new to experience in the mean time?
Westminster College, where I went to school, reached out to me about a month ago giving me an “alumni calling”. They asked if I would be willing to mentor an undergraduate student at Westminster for a couple of semesters. Not only was I flattered, but surprised that my qualifications made me eligible to be a mentor. I’ve always been interested in mentoring and really enjoyed mentoring the students I teached and managed at the Westminster Newspaper when I was editor-and-chief, but I haven’t had much of a chance to mentor as much as I’d like to the past couple of years.
I was nervous about our first meeting, because let’s face it – I am still young and wanted to be able to offer this person something great and memorable from this experience… so I started brainstorming what I wanted to give and get from this mentoring experience. I thought about all of the great mentors that I have had in my life – from teachers, to co-workers, to friends and family members.
One person in particular always sticks out for me when I think of a good mentor – Kevin McCallum. I worked for him when I first got into marketing at 1-800 CONTACTS. I’ve spoken a lot about Kevin in my blogs in the past, but it’s because I’ve never had a comparable mentor. I valued SO many things about him. He was unselfish – he always wanted those who worked for him to learn something new, to be pushed out of their comfort zone, to feel encouraged and supported beyond belief to do and achieve anything they dreamed about. There was never a dream that wasn’t achievable with him. He delegated challenging projects and opportunities to those who didn’t necessarily have the qualifications, but had trust that they could achieve and learn from the experience. No one wanted to disappoint him because everyone loved him and felt his positivity exude throughout our department – so everyone over-achieved and we met our goals without a problem. Also – he was extremely confident and well respected in the company and in the marketing world so he had a lot to offer and everyone learned something new every time they had a conversation with him. I think a lot of the reason he was so respected in the marketing community is that he hired people who were very qualified in various fields of marketing – and let them learn and grow through various projects and challenges and he learned from them. He didn’t assume he knew everything – he constantly felt he could learn something new from any individual he came in contact with.
I could go on and on about Kevin and how much of a positive impact he’s made on my life… but now it was my turn to be a good mentor… and what does that mean?
Looking back on what I learned from Kevin, I knew a few things right off the bat –
1) I don’t know everything about marketing, but I can help this person understand what I do know and learn from them as well. (Help the person I am mentoring learn something new – not only about work, but life.)
2) I can be a positive role model and share my passion for what I do and how I feel about life.
3) I can help with goal setting, and accountability.
4) I can motivate this individual to achieve what they’d like to achieve.
5) I can teach “the power of networking”.
6) I can work towards getting this person promoted in life and in work.
7) I can help this person focus on their accomplishments and strengths.
8) I can teach this person to behave like an owner and help them focus on mastering their projects, and delivering on what they promise.
9) I can teach this person to have an opinion and share that opinion.
10) I can teach this person the importance of accuracy and thoroughness.
How I started this process was by asking a few questions:
1) What are your goals in this mentoring process? What do you want to learn (please give me at least 10)?
2) Have you faced any problems in your work or school environments that you'd like to work through?
3) What are your strengths (please give me at least 5)?
4) What are your favorite successes in life thus far (please give me at least 5)?
I am really looking forward to learning from this experience.
"A mentor is someone who sees more talent and ability within you, than you see in yourself, and helps bring it out of you."
Bob Proctor
Author, Speaker and Success Coach
I’ve been feeling a lack of a challenge as of late and have needed to figure out something new that would bring some excitement to my world – Yes, I am aware that I am bringing a new life into the world in March or April of next year and that will be plenty of a challenge – but life is short – so why not find something new to experience in the mean time?
Westminster College, where I went to school, reached out to me about a month ago giving me an “alumni calling”. They asked if I would be willing to mentor an undergraduate student at Westminster for a couple of semesters. Not only was I flattered, but surprised that my qualifications made me eligible to be a mentor. I’ve always been interested in mentoring and really enjoyed mentoring the students I teached and managed at the Westminster Newspaper when I was editor-and-chief, but I haven’t had much of a chance to mentor as much as I’d like to the past couple of years.
I was nervous about our first meeting, because let’s face it – I am still young and wanted to be able to offer this person something great and memorable from this experience… so I started brainstorming what I wanted to give and get from this mentoring experience. I thought about all of the great mentors that I have had in my life – from teachers, to co-workers, to friends and family members.
One person in particular always sticks out for me when I think of a good mentor – Kevin McCallum. I worked for him when I first got into marketing at 1-800 CONTACTS. I’ve spoken a lot about Kevin in my blogs in the past, but it’s because I’ve never had a comparable mentor. I valued SO many things about him. He was unselfish – he always wanted those who worked for him to learn something new, to be pushed out of their comfort zone, to feel encouraged and supported beyond belief to do and achieve anything they dreamed about. There was never a dream that wasn’t achievable with him. He delegated challenging projects and opportunities to those who didn’t necessarily have the qualifications, but had trust that they could achieve and learn from the experience. No one wanted to disappoint him because everyone loved him and felt his positivity exude throughout our department – so everyone over-achieved and we met our goals without a problem. Also – he was extremely confident and well respected in the company and in the marketing world so he had a lot to offer and everyone learned something new every time they had a conversation with him. I think a lot of the reason he was so respected in the marketing community is that he hired people who were very qualified in various fields of marketing – and let them learn and grow through various projects and challenges and he learned from them. He didn’t assume he knew everything – he constantly felt he could learn something new from any individual he came in contact with.
I could go on and on about Kevin and how much of a positive impact he’s made on my life… but now it was my turn to be a good mentor… and what does that mean?
Looking back on what I learned from Kevin, I knew a few things right off the bat –
1) I don’t know everything about marketing, but I can help this person understand what I do know and learn from them as well. (Help the person I am mentoring learn something new – not only about work, but life.)
2) I can be a positive role model and share my passion for what I do and how I feel about life.
3) I can help with goal setting, and accountability.
4) I can motivate this individual to achieve what they’d like to achieve.
5) I can teach “the power of networking”.
6) I can work towards getting this person promoted in life and in work.
7) I can help this person focus on their accomplishments and strengths.
8) I can teach this person to behave like an owner and help them focus on mastering their projects, and delivering on what they promise.
9) I can teach this person to have an opinion and share that opinion.
10) I can teach this person the importance of accuracy and thoroughness.
How I started this process was by asking a few questions:
1) What are your goals in this mentoring process? What do you want to learn (please give me at least 10)?
2) Have you faced any problems in your work or school environments that you'd like to work through?
3) What are your strengths (please give me at least 5)?
4) What are your favorite successes in life thus far (please give me at least 5)?
I am really looking forward to learning from this experience.
"A mentor is someone who sees more talent and ability within you, than you see in yourself, and helps bring it out of you."
Bob Proctor
Author, Speaker and Success Coach
A story that totally made my day - great for the holiday season.
This was written by a Metro Denver Hospice Physician:
I was driving home from a meeting this evening about 5, stuck in traffic on Colorado Blvd., and the car started to choke and splutter and die - I barely managed to coast , cursing, into a gas station, glad only that I would not be blocking traffic and would have a somewhat warm spot to wait for the tow truck. It wouldn't even turn over. Before I could make the call, I saw a woman walking out of the quickie mart building, and it looked like she slipped on some ice and fell into a gas pump, so I got out to see if she was okay. When I got there, it looked more like she had been overcome by sobs than that she had fallen; she was a young woman who looked really haggard with dark circles under her eyes. She dropped something as I helped her up, and I picked it up to give it to her. It was a nickel.
At that moment, everything came into focus for me: the crying woman, the ancient Suburban crammed full of stuff with 3 kids in the back (1 in a car seat), and the gas pump reading $4.95.
I asked her if she was okay and if she needed help, and she just kept saying 'I don't want my kids to see me crying! ,' so we stood on the other side of the pump from her car. She said she was driving to California and that things were very hard for her right now. So I asked, 'And you were praying?' That made her back away from me a little, but I assured her I was not a crazy person and said, 'He heard you, and He sent me.'
I took out my card and swiped it through the card reader on the pump so she could fill up her car completely, and while it was fueling, walked to the next door McDonald's and bought 2 big bags of food, some gift certificates for more, and a big cup of coffee. She gave the food to the kids in the car, who attacked it like wolves, and we stood by the pump eating fries and talking a little.
She told me her name, and that she lived in Kansas City . Her boyfriend left 2 months ago and she had not been able to make ends meet. She knew she wouldn't have money to pay rent Jan. 1, and finally, in desperation, had called her parents, with whom she had not spok en in about 5 years. They lived in California and said she could come live with them and try to get on her feet there.
So she packed up everything she owned in the car. She told the kids they were going to California for Christmas, but not that they were going to live there.
I gave her my gloves, a little hug and said a quick prayer with her for safety on the road. As I was walking over to my car, she said, 'So, are you like an angel or something?'
This definitely made me cry. I said, 'Sweetie, at this time of year angels are really busy, so sometimes God uses regular people.'
It was so incredible to be a part of someone else's miracle. And of course, you guessed it, when I got in my car it started right away and got me home with no problem. I'll put it in the shop tomorrow to check, but I suspect the mechanic won't find anything wrong.
Sometimes the angels fly close enough to you that you can hear the flutter of their wings....
Psalms 55:22 ' Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee. He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved'
'Father, I ask You to bless my children, grandchildren, friends, relatives and email buddies reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace, In Jesus' precious name. Amen.'
'Friends are God's way of taking care of us.' Psalm 55:22 ---
I was driving home from a meeting this evening about 5, stuck in traffic on Colorado Blvd., and the car started to choke and splutter and die - I barely managed to coast , cursing, into a gas station, glad only that I would not be blocking traffic and would have a somewhat warm spot to wait for the tow truck. It wouldn't even turn over. Before I could make the call, I saw a woman walking out of the quickie mart building, and it looked like she slipped on some ice and fell into a gas pump, so I got out to see if she was okay. When I got there, it looked more like she had been overcome by sobs than that she had fallen; she was a young woman who looked really haggard with dark circles under her eyes. She dropped something as I helped her up, and I picked it up to give it to her. It was a nickel.
At that moment, everything came into focus for me: the crying woman, the ancient Suburban crammed full of stuff with 3 kids in the back (1 in a car seat), and the gas pump reading $4.95.
I asked her if she was okay and if she needed help, and she just kept saying 'I don't want my kids to see me crying! ,' so we stood on the other side of the pump from her car. She said she was driving to California and that things were very hard for her right now. So I asked, 'And you were praying?' That made her back away from me a little, but I assured her I was not a crazy person and said, 'He heard you, and He sent me.'
I took out my card and swiped it through the card reader on the pump so she could fill up her car completely, and while it was fueling, walked to the next door McDonald's and bought 2 big bags of food, some gift certificates for more, and a big cup of coffee. She gave the food to the kids in the car, who attacked it like wolves, and we stood by the pump eating fries and talking a little.
She told me her name, and that she lived in Kansas City . Her boyfriend left 2 months ago and she had not been able to make ends meet. She knew she wouldn't have money to pay rent Jan. 1, and finally, in desperation, had called her parents, with whom she had not spok en in about 5 years. They lived in California and said she could come live with them and try to get on her feet there.
So she packed up everything she owned in the car. She told the kids they were going to California for Christmas, but not that they were going to live there.
I gave her my gloves, a little hug and said a quick prayer with her for safety on the road. As I was walking over to my car, she said, 'So, are you like an angel or something?'
This definitely made me cry. I said, 'Sweetie, at this time of year angels are really busy, so sometimes God uses regular people.'
It was so incredible to be a part of someone else's miracle. And of course, you guessed it, when I got in my car it started right away and got me home with no problem. I'll put it in the shop tomorrow to check, but I suspect the mechanic won't find anything wrong.
Sometimes the angels fly close enough to you that you can hear the flutter of their wings....
Psalms 55:22 ' Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee. He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved'
'Father, I ask You to bless my children, grandchildren, friends, relatives and email buddies reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace, In Jesus' precious name. Amen.'
'Friends are God's way of taking care of us.' Psalm 55:22 ---
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